Никогда в моей жизни не было столько встреч, как в нынешней компании. Встречи, собрания, переговоры, летучки… Народ у нас обожает собраться с утра пораньше и потрепаться. Часто дальше трепа дело не идет. Поговорили — и для некоторых это уже и есть часть выполненной работы.
Иногда мне кажется, что люди вокруг меня бессмертны. У них никогда не будет седых волос и сгорбленных спин, им никогда не изменит ни память, ни зрение, они всегда вот так же лихо и задорно буду перескакивать из одной переговорной в другую.
Я лишена этого светлого будущего. Я это точно знаю. Поэтому мне всегда плакать хочется, когда я получаю очередное приглашение на двухчасовое обсуждение.
Вчера, например, у меня было три встречи. Три! И это средненько так день прошел. Первая длилась три часа! Это была самая страшная из трех встреч, потому что на ней строго-настрого запрещалось пользоваться мобильными телефонами, портативными компьютерами, записными книжкам. А конкретно мне запретили приходить на встречу с желтой тетрадкой, куда я записываю неизвестные японские слова.
Первый час я еще пыталась вникать и даже следила за ходом мысли выступающих. В этом смысле йога мне очень помогает. Когда пытаешься закинуть правую руку за спину, стараясь достать сложенную в позе лотоса правую же ногу. И вот так, стоя на одной ноге, медленно опускаешь вниз, пытаясь достать до пола левой рукой. Чтобы не грохнуться, нужны не только крепкие ноги, руки и спина, но также и стальная концентрация.
Так вот мне занятия йогой помогают первый час не улетать мысленно из переговорной, но вот второй и третий даются тяжело. Я просто выхожу из окна. Мысленно, конечно. Или ищу способы развлечься. Однажды, сидя на длинной встрече, я увидела в соседнем жилом доме молодого человека на балконе. Полуголого. В позе треугольника. Он как раз йогой занимался. Я не могла оторваться. Встреча, как вы понимаете, тогда прошла удивительно быстро.
В общем первая встреча была пыткой. Но потом наступило время обеда и я немного отошла. После этого мы в течение часа обсуждали какие-то базы данных, в которых я совершенно ничего не понимала. А третья встреча оказалась забавной. Меня пригласили поработать над одним слайдом для презентации. Одним! Только одним! Из ста двадцати. На эту нелегкую работу был отведен час.
Я убеждена, что мои коллеги избалованы. Избалованы успехом компании, тем, что клиенты буквально валятся с неба. Поэтому мы можем себе позволить вот так долго заседать.
В то же самое время я начинаю бояться, что втянусь потихоньку в этот ритм. И что вскоре не смогу нормально работать. То есть просто работать, ни говорить, ни обсуждать, ни вести переговоры, а что-то конкретное производить. Боюсь, что этот лимб станет частью моей реальности — вроде что-то делаешь, но на деле ничего конкретного не происходит и никуда ты в итоге не движешься. А время между прочим проходит, дни, за ними недели, месяцы и даже годы. Вот так очнешься через 30 лет — и все, пора на пенсию.
От этой мысли мне стало вчера страшно. Захотелось наполнить дни полезными, важными, конкретными делами, а не пустой болтовней. Пока я думала, как жить дальше, пошла в магазин, купила продуктов, сварила суп, испекла пирог, навела порядок, написала вот этот блог…
И с легким сердцем легла спать.
75 комментариев
Рита
Я просто перестала ходить на такие собрания… Достаточно задать себе вопрос: собрание мне нужно, чтобы продвинуться в работе? Нет? Тогда до свиданья 🙂
Olga D.
К сожалению, руководство присутствует почти на всех встречах, поэтому я не могу туда не прийти. А мелкие всякие да, игнорирую 🙂
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