Отвезла сегодня утром, как обычно, Александриту в русскую школу. Настроилась на слезы, стенания, страдания, руковешания… Как водится, сказала себе, что все пройдет плохо, все будут грустными, я буду себя винить в том, что заставляю ее заниматься тем, что ей не нравится. Ни один субботний поход в русскую школу без этого не обходится.
А потом подумала, что, оставив рыдающего ребенка в школе, зайду в какой-нибудь магазин купить какой-нибудь ненужный свитер с блестками, для девиц, ведь холодно же. Такой скрытый способ убедить себе, что нет, на самом деле я мама хорошая.
В общем в таких растрепанных чувствах двинули мы сегодня в сторону школы. А когда зашли в класс, случилось странное. Александра бросилась играть с детьми, забыв даже на руках у меня повисеть. Я смотрела на нее и не знала, что делать. Обычно она ревет, я ее успокаиваю, учительница вырывает ребенка у меня из рук, я бегу за дверь, оттуда по улице мимо кафе и магазина со скрипками — в сторону большого магазина, за свитером, успокаивать свою совесть.
Но вот старый план не сработал. Никто не плакал, не рыдал, я спокойно вышла из класса, но как-то по инерции все равно направилась в сторону магазина за свитером.
Ходила между столами с детской одеждой, ужасаясь ценам, и вдруг сообразила. Мне ведь больше не нужно “закупать” свою совесть. Она вроде в порядке, ничто не теребит и не ноет. И зачем я притащилась за свитером?
Вышла из магазина и пошла в другой — яркий, с елочными игрушками, плюшевыми зайцами, золотыми ананасами.
Случайно увидела высоко под потолком петуха, игрушечного, конечно же. С ярко-красным гребешком и бесконечным сумасшествием в пуговичных глазах. Долго смотрела на него, не могла оторваться. Я на него — он сверху на меня. Очень хотелось забрать его с собой домой. Мои сумасшедшие поиски свитеров как будто отразились в его пуговичных глазах. Он все понял, потому что сам — «того», поэтому мы и таращились друг на другу несколько минут.
Петуха в итоге домой не забрала. Вместо этого купила две пачки масла. Это второй пункт после свитера. Не удастся успокоить совесть покупками — заткну ей глотку пирогами. Помогает, кстати.
Вернулась домой. Сварила суп из кабачков. Никто его не есть. Только я. Очень вкусно, сердито и экономно. Чтоб потом, вы ж понимаете, на свитер хватило.
Потом ходила на маникюр. Два часа слушала истории о проблемах других людей. Очень отвлекает от собственных. Такая прекрасная терапия для души. Чуть не уснула в массажном кресле вместе со своей совестью.
Вернувшись домой и проскакав еще несколько часов в ритме готовки — уборки — мытья посуды — пылесоса — мытья полов — банных процедур — на ручки — игрушки — пить — в туалет — снова пить — снова в туалет и так далее, я зажгла свою десятиметровую гирлянду и все недогоревшие свечи и начала вспоминать о петухе.
Зря я его не забрала с собой… Сидели бы мы вдвоем под светящейся гирляндой и делили одно на двоих сумасшествие….
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