Я сегодня всю ночь пекла пасхальные куличи. Легла спать около 4 утра, заснуть сразу не смогла, лежала и думала — а зачем? Зачем мучиться с этим тестом, когда можно просто пойти и купить? Зачем усложнять себе жизнь, если все под рукой, просто, доступно — из дома даже выходить иногда не нужно, все необходимое и так принесут.
Камильчику очень понравилось. Мне кажется, получилось средненько. Но лучше, чем в прошлом году.
Сегодня утром снова думала — и зачем столько трудов? А потом начала вспоминать о деталях всего процесса. Вот, например, коньяк. Когда я его в прошлом году впервые в жизни залила в тесто, я вдруг почувствовала тот самый запах из детства. Так пахли куличи, которые пекла когда-то моя прабабушка. Именно этот запах. Не помню, сколько мне было тогда лет, но аромат коньяка остался со мной на всю жизнь. Тогда я, правда, не знала, что это именно коньяк, только в прошлом году определила.
Аромат коньяка потянул за собой другие воспоминания. Суматоха дома у бабушки, все как будто постоянно куда-то бегут, что-то кричат, о чем-то громко разговаривают. А ты сидишь маленькая за столом — и в мире твоем абсолютный покой и гармония. Смотришь на странных вечно чем-то озабоченных людей вокруг, затем переводишь взгляд на огромные куличи с подгоревшей коркой. Корку ты, конечно же, не ешь, только мякоть, ароматную, нежную, сладкую. На тебя обязательно кто-нибудь из взрослых время от времени обращает внимание, спрашивает, кто будет доедать за тобой эти корки. Я ты, как ни стараешься, не можешь понять, суть этого глупого вопроса.
Все эти люди, вся эта суета пронеслись у меня вчера перед глазами, только я почувствовала запах коньяка.
А потом я красила яйца. И вспоминала снова и дом, и родных, и коричнево-красные яйца, которые в день Пасхи были повсюду. В гостиной, на кухне, на подоконнике, на плите в огромной кастрюле. Потом мы их били, играли с ними, ели, кому-то обязательно становилось плохо. А ты маленькая, яйца тебя совсем не интересуют в качестве еды. Ты тюкнешь два раза яйцо соперника — и отложишь свое битое в сторону. А снова кто-нибудь из взрослых подойдет к тебе и спросит: “А есть кто будет?!” И тебе снова покажется вопрос странным. Есть ведь скучно. Скучно! Яйца же красят не для этого! Как же вы не понимаете!
И вот я месила вчера тесто, а перед глазами проносились все эти картинки, звучали диалоги давно умерших людей, аромат сдобных булок наполнил кухню, а я как будто на пару секунд перенеслась в прошлое.
Возможно, ради этого путешествия во времени все действо я вчера и затеила. Взрослые люди мне бы сказала, зачем мучиться — пойди и купи. А я думаю, что так не интересно. Скучно и невесело. Пусть будет длинно и тяжело, но зато какое прекрасное путешествие! Как ловко удается повернуть время вспять.
С Праздником!
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